Written by, Kalpita
28th Feb 2025
Emotion Coaching – a parenting approach developed by Dr. John Gottman, aims at prioritising emotional intelligence (EI). It entirely focuses on parents recognising and responding to children's emotions as opportunities for strengthening their relationships, while pushing for self-development. As an A-list influencer in our young childrens’ lives, incorporating this approach could make a big difference in our parenting brand in terms of engagement, growth, and sustainability. As Emotionally Intelligent Influencers, we take on the primary responsibility of assisting our children in staying connected with their feelings. However, its not just about processing emotions, but also about providing the coping skills necessary for problem-solving, thus building self-esteem and providing social skills. And this is where YOUR unique parenting vision, mission and objective (VMO) comes in.
What’s YOUR parenting VMO?
If your parenting brand relates to your children in terms of avoidance or minimal engagement with feelings, you can call it ‘Dismissive parenting’. You would then be prone to dismissing or undermining the feelings of your children when they feel anxious or upset about something. You would not attempt to talk through the problem or console your children, thus more or less neglecting their emotions. The consequence of this style could raise children who cannot attain emotional intelligence and secure attachments. Your children, therefore, feel undervalued and unheard and that’s the feeling that regularly shows up in their behavior. Give it a think…
Another parenting brand that brings out similar consequences would be ‘Authoritarian parenting’. This parenting brand endorses talking through a problem but is all about one-way communication. If your parenting brand believes in managing your children’s behaviour through strict rules and punishments, then you are most likely showing very little consideration for your children’s social-emotional and behavioural needs.
In contrast to the above styles that could be highly demanding, there are more responsive options available out there. If your parenting brand is all about warmth and love, and is low on boundaries, you can call it ‘Permissive parenting’. You would then find yourself giving in to your children's wishes, without declaring any rules or outlining the consequences, should they decide not to cooperate. This produces an environment in which creativity may blossom, all the while strengthening your bond with your children. However, it can also be the root cause of a lack of self-discipline and responsibility in your children, hence making room for behavioural problems when it comes to decision-making skills.
Now, if you are thinking of yourself as a parent who is trying to bring in the warmth and structure while achieving a balance between the above-mentioned styles, then you are subscribing to an ‘Authoritative parenting’ brand. You view your children as people of value and help them further their aspirations, all while giving them a mutually pre-agreed-upon structure of basic expectations. You always welcome open communication in such a way that your children even express their thoughts and feelings about the guidelines made for them. You are promoting a parenting brand that makes room for greater independence, social skills, and academic achievement.
According to many comparative long-term studies, ‘Authoritative Parenting’ has been associated with less incidents of anxiety and depression. This is because authoritative parents use reasoning to influence their children to understand the results of their actions, thereby cultivating in them self-discipline and respect for others.
Let’s explore the diverse parenting brands out there
Guess this Parenting Brand In-Action:
Picture This: A 5-year-old boy gets a cut while playing. He runs to his mom as a last resort for comfort. His mom simply says, "Come on, let's shake it off." and walks away wishing that would stop all the crying.
Brand Impact? The child understands that his feelings are invalid and so should never be spoken. In the upcoming years, he struggles with terrible mood swings and believes himself to be cut-off from everyone else because his feelings are wrong.
Guess this Parenting Brand In-Action
Picture This: A 6-year-old girl asking for dessert at a restaurant before finishing her meal. At first, her dad says no way but when she throws a tantrum, her dad agrees. The routine repeats itself as her dad often surrenders in similar situations when his daughter is being demanding.
Brand Impact? In no time, the 6-year-old learns that all she must do in the future is throw tantrums repeatedly, to get herself whatever she wants. The older she gets the more challenging it becomes to exercise self-discipline and make wise choices, making it difficult for her in school when following rules plus with building friendships.
Guess this Parenting Brand In-Action
Picture This: A 4-year-old girl loses her favourite toy and is having a meltdown. Her father gently says " I see that you are very sad about your toy." It’s okay to feel that way. So how about we put our heads together and find it.
Brand Impact? The 4-year-old feels seen and heard. This will help her learn to express herself with healthy boundaries. And as she grows older, this empowers her with excellent emotional intelligence and self-regulation skills, which leads to positive relationship ties.
Whichever parenting brand works for your family, Emotion Coaching could be easily incorporated to enhance insights, as it has benefits that no parent would want to overlook:
- de-escalates emotional intensity
- encourages emotional acceptance
- builds emotional resilience
- improves self-regulation and attention skills
- betters academic performance and physical health
Regardless of which style you choose to follow, your parenting brand impact will always be at an ALL TIME HIGH! So, do invest and influence wisely by incorporating Emotion Coaching into your parenting brand. All you need to be mindful about?
1. Tune in to embrace all emotions
2. Connect with your child’s perspective
3. Actively listen up
4. Name all emotions at play
5. Problem-Solve together along the way
By embracing Emotion Coaching, you not only enhance your parenting brand but also empower your children with the emotional intelligence and resilience needed to thrive in life. As you embark on this transformative journey, remember that your influence is the foundation upon which your child's future success is built. It all starts with YOU! You matter!
