Written by, Kalpita
5th Mar 2025
Being a parent means we often have to surf in an ocean of emotions - our own and those of our children. In this blog, I want to share some personal success stories about how my family sailed through some turbulent emotional moments. By transforming our day-to-day stressful experiences into opportunities for growth, we learned to ground ourselves in a sturdy vessel built upon EI (Emotional Intelligence). We like to call them our Big Wins as a family!
Win #1: The Power of "I'm Good Enough"
I remember this phase when I, as a first-time mom, got latched onto this one life changing quote, ‘Be Yourself, everyone else is taken!’ After about 2 months of struggling as an emotionally exhausted mom, I humbly quit my pursuit of being ‘the perfect mom’ and instead adopted this mantra: ‘I'm good enough.’ It felt as if I instantly dropped down all the extra baggage, off of my heart and mind. Please note that this was in no way the beginning of my average existence as a mom. It was a realistic alignment of what matters to me and my baby versus the idealistic benchmark! A self-tailored parenting style that fit only me!
A Handy Tip:
Next time you're feeling overwhelmed, say it OUT LOUD: "I'm good enough." Notice how that feels, it changes your perspective and reduces all the stress at the same time!
Win #2: Emotional Storytelling: A Game-Changer
My husband, having learnt about the value of emotional intelligence in his own chaotic ways, came up with this magic of emotional narration with our daughter. He started describing his emotions to our little one, even when she barely understood them as such. As a daddy’s girl who always loved to engage with him, she surprisingly picked up on his narration and soon began to articulate about her feelings. According to studies, emotion coaching can begin as early as 10 months old. Not having known this of course, we as a family, ended up narrating our emotions as a practice. Our daughter turns 7 soon and boy she can articulate emotions - and how! Through emotional story telling, we laid down the base for her emotional intelligence and we see it work its magic every single day!
Try This:
If you are feeling an emotion, label it with your child. "Papa is feeling frustrated because he couldn’t go to the gym this morning. And that's fine! Maybe we could help him find some time later today?"
Win #3: From Defensiveness to Curiosity:
As we were starting to orient our then 3-year-old, to sleep in her own room through the night, un-surprisingly, we were met with quite a few challenges! Tantrums, drama, nightmares kept us on our toes through those nights! After throwing a few tantrums of my own, I got curious! I put aside my own feelings and just asked her “What’s the problem here?” Turned out, she wanted a brighter night light and the door completely ajar! Once that problem was addressed, bedtime routine got easier and so did a lot of other practises. We connected and communicated with a deeper understanding of each other every time we replaced defensive reactions with curious responses.
Challenge Yourself:
When your child acts up next time around, take a moment away from the drama and ask yourself “What’s really happening right now?” Keep your judgments and feelings aside and get curious!
Win #4: The Family Meditation:
As skeptical as I was at first, I have grown to become a major fan of breathing exercises and meditation routines. Initially, our daughter saw it as a game but now I often see her do those by herself. Just like me, she began to feel calmer and started to see the real value in it after all! Mindful meditation does help build mental and emotional well-being in parents, as well as young children. Earlier, the better!
Try It Now:
Start with a 30 seconds breathing practise as a family and then gradually increase the timespan. Model patience and stay intentional, make room for positivity to seep in!
Win #5: The Power of Vulnerability:
My favourite touching moments are those when I have had a terrible day - physically, mentally and emotionally, I am visibly done for the day! And I voice this out, very clearly to my daughter, in case she missed out on the obvious. When I hear her say “It’s okay Mama. I will help you!”, it completely mellows me down and I feel re-energised enough to survive the rest of the day! That kind of validation and support is what most of us need, don’t we? Take this as a powerful lesson on the strength of vulnerability. Sharing your feelings, more so your vulnerabilities, will make your parent-child bond more relatable and reliable! Through behaviour modelling, you will effortlessly express and teach your children some easy-to-use coping skills on emotional regulation.
So, when stress waves hit you next, use a wobbly lifeboat and sail towards the nearest vessel – take shelter, reflect, repair, and rejuvenate emotionally. Like my family, I believe that your personal growth too, will build a foundation for emotional intelligence, that will serve your children well into their later life! And yes, don’t see it as managing stress, see it as an opportunity to pass on those coping skills to your children. Stay on top of that, stay emotionally available – one moment at a time!
Note to Self:
Your children need to see you as a human with your own share of feelings, a work a progress yourself! This way, they do not feel overwhelmed by unrealistically perfect expectations, instead get positively motivated to keep working on themselves too!
